Your child with autism CAN develop & learn naturally! (lessons from a 're-wilded' farm)
A wonderfully uplifting farming story appeared in my facebook feed today which was, to me, the perfect allegory for how we parents can stop all the crazy, stressed autism interventions we feel obliged to undertake and actually witness our children develop faster and more naturally as a result!
The story I read was about a farming couple who, against all the advice of the farming community, have 're-wilded’ their 3,500 acres of arable land. They have created a natural paradise in which all sorts of rare and amazing species of plants and insects have taken up residence and in which their happy livestock roam freely and behave naturally. This farming couple no longer need to provide food and shelter for their livestock (nature now provides it) but because the meat is of the very best quality and the public are interested in wildlife safaris on their land, they now actually make more money than they used to!
I embarked on our natural journey with my son (now aged 15) almost eight years ago ...
Just as this couple had previously been ‘forcing’ their land and fighting nature with chemicals, fences and machinery so many of us autism-parents are advised by professionals to put maximum effort into manipulating and modifying our children’s behaviour. Desired behaviours and learning outcomes, we are taught, can be achieved by working towards developmental goals using rewards and by discouraging undesired behaviours.
The problem with a directive approach to either farming, or to raising a child who has autism, is our assumption that we know best, that we understand everything that is happening and that we are, somehow, wiser than nature.
Back to the farming couple –
at first they felt very nervous about their decision to relinquish control but they very quickly became astounded at the spectacular capacity of Nature to do the right thing. They didn’t need to use chemicals to clear enormous thistles that spread all over the farm because caterpillars ate them. They didn’t need to fence in the newly ‘wilded’ pigs who appeared to be destroying everything because, eventually, the apparent destruction gave rise to all sorts of rare and interesting new species of insects, plants and birds and more food for the livestock.
Similarly, when I dropped all learning goals for my son I quickly became astounded by the amazing learning and development that happened for him: Very early on he began to seek us out, to desire social interactions, to seek our attention and to express his inner feelings – slowly at first with emotive expressions such as ‘oh dear’ and ‘Whoops’ and then later began to show us what he noticed, share his interests with us and even tell us about his problems or emotions – all things that were impossible to teach via behavioural interventions. He wanted us to be involved in his life and he became more and more adept at making sure that happened. A great step forward for us was when he began to seek us out for comfort.
But don’t get me wrong, every parent of a child who has autism realises that doing absolutely nothing or simply standing back and watching, as the farming couple did with their farm, is not the solution. Allowing a child to remain isolated, distant or ‘stimmy’ does not promote development or learning, nor does it allay a parent's fears of what will happen to our children when we are no longer around to care for them.
So, at this point we move away slightly from the farming metaphor and that is because when it comes to bringing up our children, we are the most crucial part of Mother Nature’s plan. We need to be involved! In fact Mother Nature has fully equipped us with instincts, behaviours and reactions that encourage learning, development and play in our typically-developing children. For children on the spectrum or with other communication difficulties however, we may need to be a little more conscious and aware of what these instincts, behaviours and reactions of ours are – hence the need for Intensive Interaction.
The people who developed this approach looked carefully at what we all do instinctively and subconsciously. They described a set of principles to use when reacting to and interacting with our children: So, just as we do with our typical (younger) developers, we need to really tune into our child’s interests and emotions and respond accordingly in the moment. Mother Nature knows that by doing this the (possibly adult) child is fully motivated and captivated by us so we have need to introduce external or irrelevant rewards. Furthermore the child sees that we are motivated and captivated by them, thus promoting self-esteem, trust, relationship building, joy and involvement in the activity. The ensuing joint attention is now being recognised more and more as a crucial factor in the success of people on the spectrum.
It is in this natural environment that our children – well in fact all of us – learn to become proficient communicators. We become individuals who can take part in relationships and eventually society and whatever learning and cooperation that involves.
To read more about Intensive Interaction visit www.intensiveinteraction.org or my website. The full story about my son is here. And to read the article about the farm here
Farming pictures above are taken from the couples amazing website here
