Dear Professional, Here's How You Unwittingly Upset Autism-Parents.

I know you don't mean to. You have the best of intentions. You think something along the lines of "I don't want to make false promises." or "I don't to be selling magical cures or miracles." You see yourself as measured and realistic.

YOU DON'T SEE US

You don't see that my heart smashed into a thousand pieces when something happened to my baby boy at 15 months: When he went from happy to sad; from talking & babbling to silent; from smiling & laughing to whinging; from connected to disconnected; from sleeping well to terrible sleep; from eating well to extreme pickiness - even phobias: from health to never-ending health problems; from playful to repetitive & obsessive.

You don't see that I expected sirens, emergency vehicles, reporters, devastation from everyone around me and above all HELP. What I got were hurtful comments, friends that left, nobody to explain or pick up the pieces. I got blame. I got isolation. Most of all I got professionals and 'experts' who spoke UTTER nonsense about a condition they did not understand - called autism.

HOPE

You don't see the amazing, clever, funny and above all, brave boy that I see. You don't see the extreme love we feel for our children. You don't see our desperate need to help them.

We need to NOT live in a dark pit of doom and gloom. We need a helping hand, a guiding light - we need HOPE.

You cannot parent without hope. We need to know that it will not always be like this or we won't be able to get through today.

YOUR CONSULTATION

So we sit through your meeting or your consultation that costs us hundreds of pounds, expectant, looking at you for answers. And what do you say?

"Your soon is too old/ too young/ too severe/ too impaired by X, Y, Z for you to see much improvement."

Please - next time just punch me in the stomach, it would hurt less.

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footnote - TIPS FOR YOU

1. You are right to avoid making statements such as "This approach is a miracle" "Your child will be cured tomorrow." But let me tell you a good way to avoid those statements - say nothing at all!

2. Don't be negative! Don't tell parents what won't happen. Tell them why you believe in the approach. Tell them why you are taking their time or money. Tell them what might happen. Be vague but please give hope. Try this "I feel very hopeful that we will see good things." "I feel your child will do very well with this approach" etc or even "We can never be sure what we will see with this approach but I see reason to be optimistic" or "The X negative thing sometimes occurs, nevertheless overall there will be a lot of improvement."

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